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Desire is. Everything is. He'd read up on it, of course, because that was what he did. "The heart and the mind... what an enigma." Charlie Chaplin had said that, but others said similar things. He was afraid to let Jennifer's love be a mystery.He told friends he feared desire and love just happened. That's what he had said when he and Jennifer had gone through their bad time. He knew you didn't choose your desires. For his part, he loved Jennifer but he wanted many women. Desire chose this one, or that one. Could Jen ever want someone else? She was certain of us, then she wasn't, now she is again. I don't think I can ever be certain of anything. That's not true. I'm certain I need her.He didn't tell Jen or anyone else that he fantasized all the time, that he had thoughts of what he could do with some woman, of how he could arrange it. He had to force the fantasies aside so he could work.There was a girl just today, a student, walking along the sidewalk. A summer day, nothing in. You might ask why I didn't go to NASA, since they were in the space exploration business. Well, there were two reasons.The first reason was that any development work done under NASA was automatically in the public domain. I still had hope of making some money off the AGD, so I didn't want to give it to them to develop. If I did, I would lose it. I had some ideas on how to retain control of the AGD, but I had to have a reliable working device before anything I could think of would work.The second reason was that NASA would put their people on the job, and I would never have a chance to go anywhere, unless I had the big bucks to buy a tourist excursion on the International Space Station.I was going to have to think about it before I risked my chances of getting into space by going to NASA. Oh, well, I still had plenty to do before I get that far.A few nights later, ET was so excited that I was afraid for his safety and his sanity. "Oh, Derek, thank you, thank you, thank you! Our paint.
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